Money. Time. Energy.

Ok, so there are a lot of parenting experts out there talking about how to reach your goals in parenthood.  

 And I am one of them.

But I have been working with parents long enough to know that often implementing the strategies and tools and crafting your vision of parenthood and childhood isn’t so simple. 

 And as a parent myself, I live in that reality everyday.

Yes, there’s broader influences. 

Yes, there’s your history, patterned responses, your changing body and mind. 

Yes, there’s coparenting dynamics.

Yes, there’s your child’s genetics, temperament, personality and emerging autonomy.

But when you’re pregnant, postpartum or in the thick of parenting at any age, parenting decisions often come down to 3 things :

Money

Time

Energy

These are the 3 most taxed resources parents have as they move through parenthood in America.  

 And to discount the role they play in shaping the parenting journey is an injustice at best.  At worst, it can leave parents feeling as if they are failing themselves or their child.  And yield shame and self-doubt. 

Even though every parent is simply doing their best to execute a highly demanding job within the context of a social structure that offers little to no support.

This isn’t to say that education, self-reflection, parenting strategies, communication and emotional regulation skills are not important and don’t have a deep impact on your child’s development and your experience in pregnancy, postpartum and parenthood. 

I wouldn’t be here doing this if I didn’t know for certain the value of that work.

But at the same time, I think it’s important to call out that sometimes, money, time and energy will drive your parenting choices and to shout loud and clear that this is ok.  And to empower parents to make whatever choice is best for their family in a given moment without the burden of self-judgment.
 

So if you’re sitting there thinking:

 “I feel so guilty I didn’t sign him up for that music enrichment class, but I just need some time on Saturday mornings to reset from the week.”

“I know I shouldn’t let her sleep in my bed but I just have to get some sleep and be able to function at work tomorrow.”

“I feel so bad but I don’t have time in the morning to sit and coregulate him, we just need to get out the door on time.” 

“She’s going to be so upset when we tell her we can’t do the travel team but we just don’t have the time or money for that right now.”

“I wish I could meet him at the bus stop everyday but I can’t get out of work in time.”

Parents, please know:

 You don’t have to be perfect.

 Your kids don’t have to be perfect.

 You are a great parent.

 Your kids are getting their needs met. 

We have to parent within the circumstances of our lives.  

And for most of us that means leveraging our values, goals, knowledge and skills against our available resources.  Being intentional and mindful as much as that’s available.  Focusing on getting it right 20-30% of the time.  And trusting that’s good enough.

Until next time,

Allie