What’s a Growth Mindset Anyway?

One of the biggest trends I see in my work with parents is a desire to be the expert, to get things right, and to “figure out” how to be a good parent once and for all.  So many parents are deeply unrooted by their ever changing experience of their child and the demands of keeping up.  

All too often parents focus on tackling a challenge, their child’s development, their own evolution, their relationship and milestones and transitions with a “checklist mentality”.  

Identify the problem → Research the problem →Create a plan to solve the problem → Reach the finish line → Check it off the list

Only problem is that you, your child, your partner and your family are not static beings.  As soon as one thing is tackled, something new arises.  

 And you end up in a game of whack-a-mole frantically trying to beat down endless obstacles, burning energy, feeling behind and losing confidence you have what it takes.

Sound familiar?

Wouldn’t it be easier to be able to see the long game, hold realistic expectations of yourself, be present in the moment and be free to run your own race?

One powerful way to do this is by embracing a growth mindset in parenthood.

What Is a Growth Mindset?

A growth mindset is the belief that abilities, intelligence, and emotional capacity can grow through effort, learning, and perseverance. When applied to parenting, this mindset helps you see challenges as opportunities to grow rather than as reflections of failure.

By adopting a growth mindset, you can:

→Approach parenting challenges with curiosity instead of self-criticism.

→Reframe mistakes as learning experiences.

→Cultivate self-compassion as you grow into your parenting role.

→Model and nurture this approach to life in your child and family system.

This mindset can boost your confidence, helping you trust that growth is a continuous process for both you and your child.

The reality is, we go into pregnancy, let alone parenthood, completely unprepared for what’s to come.  We are under or misinformed about what happens in our brains and bodies, to our relationships, and in our children’s development.  

Not only that, but we live in a culture of extreme business, perfectionism, productivity and achievement so our expectations of ourselves, our partners and our children are often rooted in doing everything right, operating in constant motion and getting to some magical finish line. 

And then it all happens and the reality is so much messier than that.  And we feel incompetent, overwhelmed, inadequate and full of worry that we’re not doing it right.

But here’s the thing:  

The learning happens on the job.  

 There is simply no way to know or fully understand what’s to come until we’re in it.  And while there is much we can do to prepare and get accurate information, lived experience is our greatest teacher.  

And more importantly, the changes in us, our partners and our children are never ending.  The goal post is always moving.  Each individual is unique and different.  And there is just no way to know all there is to know until you’re there.

Mistakes are part of the process.

Challenges are part of the process.

Uncertainty is part of the process.

Effort and progress ARE THE PROCESS.

We don’t take on any other role, hobby, or responsibility in life assuming we will be experts right off the bat.  We give ourselves grace to be beginners, put in the work, accept support, progress and be in continuous evolution.  We allow for a learning curve without judging it as a reflection of some deficiency in us. 

Yet when it comes to parenting, we expect things of ourselves and others that are impossible.  

You have never been a parent to this child at this stage of their development before.  You have never been a partner to your spouse at this stage of your relationship before.  You have never been a human in this body, mind and spirit at this stage of your life before.

So how could you possibly become an expert the day your child is born?

It definitely takes more than just a growth mindset.  Information, tips and tools, strategies, support, community, observation and reflection.  It’s all essential.

But a growth mindset is the glue that holds it all together.

Because if you can move from perfectionism and self-doubt toward self-compassion, adaptability, and strength, you can apply all the rest in ways that nurture your unique family, and in the ways that count.

Until next time,

 Allie